piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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