At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
