marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
