I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
