YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
