these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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