theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize