it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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