Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
