I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
