I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
