how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize