my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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