Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
