Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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