Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
