i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
