I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
