dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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