i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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