Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
