I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
