you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
