You smell like stripper and shame
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
