meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
