i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
