What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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