It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
