moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
