gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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