Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
