A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
