i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
