dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
