fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
