i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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