Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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