I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
