Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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