Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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