Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
