she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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