I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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