your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
