Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
