You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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