I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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