Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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