I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
