I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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