theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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