If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize