we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
