she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
