Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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