So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You've changed since you got that strap on
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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