6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
