we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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