I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
