false alarm. still invincible.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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