Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize