walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize