Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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