you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
