my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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