i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
