I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
