Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
