She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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