I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize