Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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