I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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