no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
