Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
